The music mogul says in letter to court before penalty phase he was 'fundamentally damaged'

Just before facing judgment, Sean "Diddy" Combs told a court official on midweek that he is a transformed individual after realizing that he was "broken to my core" and contemplating at times if he was preferable not living.

The 55-year-old Combs, stated in a written communication to the judicial officer saying that with his substance-free thinking after a annual detention period, he can see how deteriorated he had become before his September 2024 arrest in a legal matter that led to his conviction on two sex trade charges. His judgment session will begin on Friday morning.

"During the previous twelve months there have been so many times that I wanted to surrender. There have been some days I thought I would be better off dead. The former identity died in jail and a new version of me was reborn. Prison will change you or destroy you – I choose to live," he said.

A legal tribunal in the seventh month cleared Combs on human trafficking and illegal enterprise charges, meaning he would not receive a permanent incarceration. The commercial sex charges each carry a maximum punishment of ten-year detention.

His legal team say he should be released this month, arguing his year behind bars has been sufficient punishment, while government attorneys want at least eleven-year detention.

Combs expressed that the last two years had been the most difficult of his life, "with nobody else responsible for my present circumstances except me."

"During my lifetime, I have made many wrongdoings, but I am no longer running from them," he wrote. "I profoundly apologize for the suffering I created, but I understand that the basic expressions 'I'm sorry' will never be sufficient as these words alone cannot erase the pain from the past."

Combs apologized for hitting, striking with feet and forcibly moving his then girlfriend his ex-partner at a LA accommodation in 2016 – an violent incident captured on surveillance video shown to court members repeatedly during his two-month trial.

"The recorded moments of me assaulting Cassie play over and over in my head every day," Combs wrote. "I literally lost my mind. I was dead wrong for physically touching the woman that I loved. I'm sorry for that and always will be."

Combs also expressed regret to a woman who testified under the pseudonym Jane, saying that "post her evidentiary account, I realized that I caused her pain. For this I am deeply sorry."

Combs wrote that "the regret, the sorrow, the penitence, the letdown, the shame" from his behavior has made it "so hard for me to forgive myself."

"It is like a profound injury that leaves an ugly scar," he said. "I became迷失. I strayed during my personal evolution. Lost in the drugs and the excess. My decline stemmed from personal greed."

In prison, Combs said, he has been studying, authoring, physical training and teaching a six-week course to other detainees, Entrepreneurial Wisdom from Diddy, sharing his entrepreneurial insight, as well as acquired knowledge from his errors and setbacks.

He is also participating in counseling, he said, to address his former narcotics dependency and rage concerns. He is clean for the premier instance in two-and-a-half decades and is pledged to working "to avoid similar wrongdoings in future," he wrote.

Combs told the judge that he was pleading for compassion, not only for himself but for his multiple offspring and his elderly parent, for whom he had been the chief provider. While imprisoned, he said, he failed to attend proms and completion ceremonies and essential stages of his toddler's growth.

"During this written communication, I am scared to death. Anxious about further time apart from loved ones," Combs wrote. "I no longer care about the money or the fame. No greater value exists than relatives."

He said the conditions of his detention at a New York detention facility are "unacceptable," writing that he is confined in a space with 25 other inmates, with no windows, contaminated atmosphere, a malfunctioning laundry equipment and liquid requiring purification.

Combs vowed to never engage in illegal activities, telling the judge that since he has been in jail he has gone through a "spiritual reset."

Rather than make an example out of him with a prolonged incarceration, Combs begged Subramanian to "make me an example of what a person can do if afforded a second chance."

"If you allow me to go home to my family, I swear I will not disappoint you and I will make you proud," he wrote.