Those Advice from A Dad That Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the truth soon became "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward words "You're not in a good spot. You must get some help. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable discussing the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger reluctance to communicate among men, who often internalise negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a show of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a respite - spending a short trip away, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a friend, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the best way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I think my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."